Amalgamation
by Psychedelica
Summary: Why is there a random woman eating Reid's food? He's going to be annoyed when he gets back from the bathroom.


**A/N: Haley and Hotch didn't meet in high school in this, so pretend we never heard them say that. Kay?**

**Disclaimer: Don't own either shows, unfortunately. I haven't seen many CriMi/D&G crossovers on here, so although I've only seen, like, ten episodes of Dharma & Greg, I felt I had to write a random one-shot. (Haven't proof-read it for mistakes yet, so feel free to drop a comment about any spellos or grammeros :D) Oh, and bear in mind it took me, like, half an hour to write this with basically no plan, and plus I'm kinda sick and tired and my legs ache from skiing. But whatever. Hope you enjoy, and please R&R!**

The case was over, and the BAU team had decided to spend the night in Connecticut, mainly to try the Chinese place the head detective had recommended. They were discussing what they were all doing for Thanksgiving, with much laughter due to too much alcohol. Even Hotch had a huge smile plastered across his face.

"Just going to the bathroom," Reid said, standing up.

"Don't be long," called JJ. "Our food will be here in a minute."

No more than ten seconds later, the seat next to Hotch where Reid had been sitting was suddenly occupied by a blonde woman, who picked up Reid's chopsticks and immediately began eating his meal.

The team stopped chatting and laughing, and stared at the strange woman.

"Dharma?" said Hotch in disbelief.

"Hi Greg," said the woman, still eating Reid's food. "Great noodles."

Prentiss mouthed _'Greg?' _but Hotch ignored her.

"Dharma, didn't you die?" Hotch asked slowly.

Dharma glanced down at herself in alarm, dropping her – Reid's – chopsticks and moving her arms outwards. She shook her head and said innocently, "No."

"But Larry said . . ." He paused, and silence fell on the table for the longest three seconds the team had ever experienced. When he spoke again, his voice was lower, calmer, as if he was holding himself back from yelling. "You went on that protest. You said you'd be back in a week. After two weeks, I started to worry. I saw your parents in a restaurant and Larry said, _'I'm sorry Greg, but Dharma's gone to a better place'."_

Dharma laughed loudly, leaning back in her seat. "No, I didn't _die!"_ she said in a mocking tone. "I just went to that nice Italian place on Chester and Kennedy. Their pasta sauce is _way _nicer than Enrico's, but Larry _insisted_ we go to Enrico's instead. I slipped away before we ordered, though."

Hotch frowned, his forehead creasing ever deeper than usual. "So when Larry said _'a better place'_, what he really meant was . . . a better Italian restaurant?"

"I'm sorry, but what is going on here?" Prentiss interrupted.

The two glanced over at her, both wide-eyed. "Guys, this is my dead wife, Dharma," Hotch said. "Dharma, these are my friends, Prentiss, Rossi, Morgan and JJ."

"_Dead_ wife?" asked Morgan. "What about Haley?"

Hotch grimaced at the mention, and then sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "After Dharma died . . ." He glanced at the woman in question, and an unspoken conversation seemed to happen between them. "After Dharma died," he repeated. "I was broken. Really broken. And I wasn't Aaron Hotchner back then either. I was Greg Montgomery. So after she . . . _died,_ I did the only logical thing I could think about. _I killed myself._ I killed Greg Montgomery, became Aaron Hotchner. I even moved from the West Coast across to Virginia, and joined a law firm and met Haley . . . I was a lawyer before. Back when I was Greg. But I made a new start."

"Haley?" asked Dharma.

"My other dead wife," he said.

"Dead as in, me dead?" she asked. "Or dead as in . . ." She made a slashing motion across her throat, complete with ripping sound.

"Dharma, she's dead," said Hotch quietly. "She was murdered."

"Oh."

"Wait," said JJ. "Hotch, does that mean you're a bigamist?"

He glared at her, then turned back to his wife. "I missed you, Dharma," he admitted. "There hasn't been a day gone by when I haven't thought of you."

"Aww, that's so sweet!" Dharma smiled, then her face turned deadly serious. "Wanna go have sex in the alley?"

Hotch winced, and then wrinkled his nose. "Isn't it kind of dirty there?"

"Only if you want it to be . . ." she said suggestively.

Hotch stared at her for a minute, and then broke out in a grin. "Okay!" His voice was much higher and lighter than usual, as if he'd transformed from Hotch to Greg in a matter of seconds. He leapt up, grabbing Dharma's hand, and the pair dashed out of the restaurant.

The rest of the team stared after them blankly, trying to process what had just happened. Just then, Reid came out of the bathroom, whistling '_The Girl from Ipanema'_. He sat back down in his seat, picking up his chopsticks and starting to eat again. He glanced up and noticed the whole team staring slack-jawed at the door.

Reid frowned. "Did I miss something?"


End file.
